Divorce - Agree or Disagree

Divorce. To agree or disagree.

To argue either side, you would need to look at what marriage is about and the pros and cons.

In the sanctity of the church and in front of god, both sides will make their vows. On your wedding day you take them to cherish, love and to keep. For better for worse, for richer for poorer. And in sickness and in health, till death do you part. And forsaking all others be faithful only to them for as long as you both shall live.

You commit to a marriage to keep those vows, and who ever marries for any other reason should not marry at all. But in a life time of all humans, has a man or women ever committed to one single thing for the whole of their life and not swayed? So the same cannot be said about marriage. There will always be a little back door for someone to escape.

Divorce can be a way to get out of a sticky situation. Be it unfaithfulness, abuse: psychical or verbal, constant fighting, breakdown of communication, loss of trust and the loss of love in the marriage. We consider the most common reason for divorce as unfaithfulness. Which brings into account the taking of vows and being faithful only to that other person. Humans long for love and attention. If there is a breakdown of this in a marriage, it is common for people to seek elsewhere. So instead of trying to fix the first problem, they create an even bigger problem. But be it an abusive relationship which occurs over time, then there is really no way to fix this and no way to stop it. This is when divorce is the best and only option.

Current statistics show that divorce is not increasing as marriage has decreased. More couples find that there is no need to marry to live together or to have children, as it is merely a piece of paper and a waste of money. From 1995 marriage has dropped quite significantly as reported by Statistics New Zealand and Relationship Services Bay of Plenty.

Divorce was first introduced into New Zealand in 1867.The only grounds were adultery by the wife and adultery by the husband if accompanied by certain aggravating circumstances. No other questions were asked. From then the laws have changed to ‘irreconcilable breakdown’. Which basically means that your relationship has broken down and is at its end, which neither of you are blamed for.

A website I found marriagehelper.com listed 30 cons of divorce. The most appalling of them said: "The shame of being divorced. (Even in this day and age, there's a "shame" associated with divorce. Trust us". If you were considering divorce and you read that comment it would not be helpful, when you are already feeling so low about making such a huge decision. But this website is called marriage helper after all so there would be bias in keeping a marriage together.

People often are confused between the difference of love and lust, and then to love someone or to be in love with someone. I can only give my brief description of what I consider them to be. Lust is usually being at the start of a relationship which then grows into love after some time together. People get married usually when they love each other and are in love. Often when people are wanting a divorce you hear that the ‘love is no longer there’. They would be talking about being ‘in love’. They still love the person for who they are and how they have been involved in their life, but have no more feelings than that.

I read an article from an American website that did a study on the effects of divorce on the next generation. How a family dynamic affects the next generation and how different cultures and upbringings bring into account peoples beliefs and morals. They also looked at how single teenage mothers did later in life by staying either single or got married.

Some people either culturally or just subconsciously marry for financial security or status. As proven in a study at the Manhattan Institute and also the National Marriage Project run at Rutgers University. It showed that people are financially better off in a relationship than single. It also found out that a family worked better when there were two sets of hands instead of one. Only the case if both parents help out.

So there are pros to getting and staying married – Financial security, a child’s well being and to help keep their child's beliefs strong going forth into adulthood. The cons of staying together can include a loss of trust and constant arguing which in turn can affect a child’s wellbeing worse than ending a marriage.

The pros of divorce: Freedom to live and be as you choose and happiness away from a negative relationship. Cons of divorce: Loss of finances due to being split in half, from a prenup or from divorce lawyers. Also there is the potential to have a negative effect on your children.

So either way it is a freedom of choice for the ultimate goal in life to have happiness.

References:

The Economist, (2007). Marriage in America, The frayed knot. Retrieved May 24th, 2007 from http://www.economist.com/node/9218127?story_id=9218127

Joe Beam, (2009 - 2011). Cons of Divorce. (n.d.) http://www.marriagehelper.com/cons_of_divorce.php

Taryn Mcelheran, (2009). Postponing a divorce over economic woes will raise stress:Expert. Retrieved March 06, 2009 from http://www.metronews.ca/vancouver/local/article/192242

Emily Kensington, (2009). Getting over a break up or divorce. Retrieved March 12th 2009 from http://www.grownups.co.nz/read/health/relationships_sexual_health/getting-over-break-up-divorce

Michael Dickison, (2010). Low divorce rate not a sign of happy marriages - expert. Retrieved May 5th 2010 from http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=10642895